I just came back from the trip to my native country India. I was visiting almost after a year. So obviously meeting siblings, relatives and old friends was in plan.
This time I had one crucial observation. Many relationships have problems.
Maybe so many years, I never observed but I was on observation mode this time.
How everyone talks about someone else, sometimes its concern, sometimes gossip, sometimes finding fault, sometimes appreciating good things. And of course, that is the human nature and we need some topic of conversation. But when this conversation turns into bitterness, back biting, jealousy, hatred and so on it affects relationships badly.
Very often we do have problems in our relationships with our spouse, kids, parents, friends, colleagues, bosses. Ego, anger, hatred, jealousy, misunderstanding affects relations. It indirectly affects our mood feeling sad, low and fatigue. It affects physical, mental and emotional health.
I am sure everyone would have faced this at least once or more in your life.
Coincidently, I happen to read a book “Reinventing yourself” which talks about “Ladder theory”. This theory, the idea and wisdom behind it is fascinating and powerful. And if everyone would really understand the wisdom behind it, we can really avoid many arguments, impulsive behavior, anger. Basically, it will save relationships.
So, ladder theory says that when you are in the mode of argument, anger, hatred, you are really on the lower rungs of ladder and you literally feel low in that condition. You are operating from the space of ego, anger, hatred, selfishness and so on.
But at the same time, you climb the ladder and as you go higher on the ladder, you are seeing the bigger and bigger picture. For example you are on the ground level and you can see what you can see on your eye level, but as you go on higher floors you can see the whole area clearly, you get the different perspective of the whole space or area.
Same goes with our relationships. When you are angry, blaming, aggressive, shouting, you are really on the lower rungs of ladder. You cannot see the whole situation. When we rise higher, we can see the bigger picture. As we see bigger picture, our problems and troubles look small. That is why we often hear these suggestions from our near and dear ones when we are down mentally and emotionally, we say “Rise above it” ..which literally means rising above your emotional fatigue, perspective, thinking and understanding. It is always feeling great when we are on high.
In another words, more we rise above or climb the ladder more clearly, I see the connection between things just as cities and landscapes looks beautiful from airplanes. Just like you can see all the landscape details and arrangement in details from top.
As we climb the ladder, we react less, we feed less to resentments, anger, guilt and fears. As we travel up, we build on positive emotions like peacefulness, mindfulness.
Higher up the ladder are where great relationships are built. The higher the rungs of ladder we stand, higher is our thoughtfulness, mindfulness, happiness, joyfulness, creativity, higher will and spirit.
Don’t you think you build a good relationship being on higher rungs of ladder?
Think about it.
But the question is how you can climb on ladder when you are on the lower rung of ladder, low on emotions.
There are 3 things which can be done
- Awareness: Awareness is the first step. Without awareness, no change will happen. So acknowledge and aware the problem
- Deep Breathing: The moment you are aware (awareness is the first key) that you are on lower level of ladder, take few deep breathings, which pumps energy, gives you moment to think rationally. When you feel low means low oxygen level and hence low energy. With deep breathing, it gives the boost of oxygen, hence high energy. Deep breathing also releases endorphins which is also feel good chemical. Naturally you feel relaxed and can climb on ladder easily.
- Visualization: In the above state, after you do take deep breathing, visualize yourself being on top of the ladder, where you can see everything clearly, where you are responding with wisdom, will and wit. This regular practice of visualization would create the habit of being high on ladder always.
Just imagine the time when you were happy, content, joyful, cheerful, which rung of ladder you were on, so next time when you see yourself at the bottom or low level of ladder or falling to low level. Just follow above 2 steps. You will gradually reach on top. It will save from many relationships. In fact, it will help you to build great relationships as you have expanded your circle of consciousness, awareness and wisdom.
“Great relationships don’t come from down, low in the organs, they come from high up the ladder in the imagination. As in “Imagine me and you. I do. I think about you day and night” When people are up in their minds and imagination, they are happy together. The trick is to “stay up” and not get down.”
~ Reinventing yourself by Steve Chandler